Our big flamenco show is done. Six straight nights of rehearsal and then two shows on Sunday. I feel pretty good about it. Sadly, I have no pictures as this point. I was part of the opening tableau, danced in two numbers, performed my adaptation of the nurse’s opening monologue from Euripides’ MEDEA, and recited another poem from the POV of an 8-year-old boy.

There was a lot of hiding out in the classroom/dressing room and waiting, some deep breathing, and a reasonable amount of fear of screwing up. (I don’t think I did, at least not too badly).

Watching the rehearsal videos was an interesting experience. I decided I have what I call “dancer dysmorphia”. It’s not so much a concern about how fat I look (though believe me, there was no little angst about that). It’s that when I’m dancing my body feels behaving in ways that don’t seem to show on the video. I feel as if my arm positions are strong and rigid but in fact they look like wet noodles. I feel as if I’m upright and my neck is a thousand miles long. Instead, I look like a hunchbacked turtle. It’s very disconcerting. There’s definitely value in watching the rehearsal videos, especially to make sure you’re in sync with the rest of the group, that your arm isn’t blocking your face, etc. But you definitely have to put the visual impression of that performance behind you when it’s time to do the next one. You have to smile (or not, depending on the piece) and believe you can do it.

As one experienced performer told us, “you have to own it.” Or, as they used to say about punk: “You have to mean it, man”.

Sale news: A TERRIBLE BEAUTY will be on sale on May 1st for $1.99, if you should be interested.